So my dad got on me for driving an hour and 15 minutes to see my pdoc once a month saying it was too far to drive. This was on Wednesday and upset me. T said on Tuesday that if I needed something before next session to call or email. I like email better so I emailed Wed. morning. Now it is Fri. night and no response yet not even saying we'll talk about it next session. Oh well, maybe she already left to go on vacation. I'm sure there is an explanation.

Anyways, after posting to PC about driving to see my pdoc, I got a few "it's okay as long as my pdoc knows" responses. I know he knows I moved, but not neccessarily that I am driving over an hour. So, since I hate bringing things up in sessions, and because I communicate better in writing, I wrote him a letter telling him. I mailed it this morning, and now I am regretting it. I'm afraid he will tell me to find someone closer to home.

While I was on the letter writing I also included some info on how my first T session went and told him I staerted T, I figured he should know. In June, I had emailed pdoc about whether or not to seek therapy for my scab pocking issue, then decided to go for it before he responded. So part of my letter was about that and what my T thought about the issue. I'm feeling stupid for telling him that my T thinks my behavior is compulsive and anxiety based. I'm afraid he will try to give me more medication and I definitely don't want to be on anti-anxiety medication because I heard it is addictive. And I really don't want to add an OCD med for the compulsion either. Why did I have to be so stupid to tell him what my T thought. I know she told me to next time I saw him, but why did I have to listen and include it in this letter?

I wish I could unsend the letter, but it's long gone and on its way by now. Hopefully he won't think I am crazy and will be kind about the letter at my next appointment with him. He is normally okay with my writing letters, it gives him an idea what is going on and what we need to talk about. I'm just having second thoughts about this one.

Anyone else ever regret their actions like this? Maybe I should try emailing T again saying I sent a letter and am now regretting it. Then maybe we can talk about it next session. I'll see her in about 9 days, so I'll see her before my pdoc. I wish next week wasn't a holiday week, I just started T and missing a week seems like it with cause me to go backwards and get nervous about seeing her again.

I hate my emotions. Why do I have to (always) act before fully thinking something through?