My first therapist was female and I definitely wanted a woman. I thought a male might "take the side" of my then husband in the decline of our marriage. I wanted someone supportive and understanding. The first therapist was OK and we did accomplish some things, but she wasn't that skilled and I didn't stay with her too long. Her skill and competence had nothing to do with the fact that she was female.

My second (and current) therapist is male. I heard of him from an acquaintance as being someone with expertise in the area I needed, so I went to see him despite his being a man. I thought, what the hey, I need help, I am willing to try anything, even if it doesn't meet my preconceptions for what will help me. Best decision I ever made! He was not less understanding or empathetic because he was a man. He did not "take the side" of my husband automatically (had I envisioned some sort of "we men need to stick together" sort of response from a male T?). He was sensitive and kind. In fact, he was just what I needed. Again, his competence was not related to his being a man, but I see now that being with a man and having him be a good guy has been very, very healing. I am sure I could have done some healing with a female, but it wouldn't have healed all the same wounds as readily.

So I would recommend not being too "stuck" on having either a man or a woman. Look instead for the connection. Is it a good "fit"? If someone sounds good, don't rule them out because they're not your ideal. Give them a chance and you may find your ideal wasn't necessarily what was really ideal for you.