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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Well, I would like to think that the best way is to be equally assertive towards each other. I think an agressive man would be much less satisfying as he would bonk and leave. However the whole experience is much more enjoyable if there was equal affection sexually, before, during and after MAKING LOVE.
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What is "bonk"?
I respectfully disagree with the notion of both partners being equally assertive. It may work in some relationships, but I definitely see a dominant/submissive dynamic (to varying degrees) in most relationships, regardless of gender. To have two submissive partners would create indecisiveness in the relationship, and two dominate partners would lead to tension and argument whenever the two disagreed on something, typically.
I don't see how being dominance or submission has any affect on affection.
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The way you are describing sex is SELFISH PLEASURE and the DOMINANT one is less likely to be entertaining in any other aspect of the relationship as that Dominant one would be very self absorbed and EXPECT SERVICE IN EVERY DEMENSION OF THE RELATIONSHIP. Therefore there would truely be NO REAL RELATIONSHIP as a TRUE RELATIONSHIP implies the efforts to RESPECT EACH OTHER MUTUALLY.
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I didn't see that... I think you're confusing dominance and tyranny.
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This is why many MEN get TURNED OFF BY WOMEN in a relationship. A woman gets tired of BEING FORCED UPON and it feels LIKE A JOB OR DUTY rather than A REAL SEXUAL EXCHANGE OF MUTUAL APPRECIATION OF THE ACT ITSELF. A real quality intellectual spiritually sound woman wants A TRUE MATE, NOT A MAN THAT CONSIDERS SEX AS JUST A FORCED RELIEF FOR HIMSELF. To be honest there is NO REAL INTELLECT IN HOP, BONK, AND LEAVE. NO, the woman NEVER really feels like the MAN in this case is worth the effort at all and the majority of the women that are involved with this kind of man ARE NOT REALLY SATIFIED SEXUALLY.
Oh yes, you were just talking about SEX. MEN THINK SEX, WOMEN THINK MAKING LOVE. At least the majority of the women I talk to AWAY FROM THE EARS OF MEN.
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I agree. I am "turned off" by a woman who thinks sex a chore and that I'm forcing myself upon her. I hope no woman I was ever with felt that way.
But one night stands? I've had many a one night stand where the woman was more than a willing participant. And the men too. Believe it or not, there are women who enjoy casual sex. It's a jolly good time, after all.
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Pleasure does not have to entail dominance at all it can be better attained by a mutual appreciating of SHARING the ACT and assuring that BOTH INVOLVED ARE EQUALLY EXCHANGING AN EXPERIENCE OF PLEASURE. If you want real behind the scenes statistics? MOST MEN ARE LOUSEY LOVERS OR LOUSY AT SEX. And many, many women will agree that MEN DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND IT IS USELESS TO THINK THEY DO.
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There does exist this phenomenon where a submissive partner gains much satisfaction from being sexed by a dominant other. Many individuals even prefer sub, men and women alike. This is why BDSM is so popular.
We're lousy then? What can we do to remedy this? Enlighten me. Please.
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But AGAIN there is always exceptions to the rule, but from what I have heard over the years THEY ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN.
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Glad to know I'm so valuable.
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And another thing that women do is after they find out what is REAL, they decide the best choice is to choose a mate that has the best stability and perks. They just put up with the rest and play the game of pretend very well.
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Why?
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And then you have those that cheat in a longing for real love and satisfaction, does that exit they wonder? And the frequency of divorce is an indication of something gone amiss huh?
Or because that dominant one wants to dominate someone else.
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Are you implying that men are solely responsible for divorce?
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
When I think about someone who wants to be the Agressor. Now what does that really say. Well, it could mean that he had an overpowering mother who was cold and over ruling and no real love and tenderness was exchanged. Therefore that male child often becomes the Agressive one as he is over ruling that domineering mother in every sexual act, his source of being in control. Ofcourse he doesn't really realize that he just goes on and TAKES, TAKES and gains satisfaction in the act of Overpowering one into submission. But to be honest that is not intellectual at all.
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Again, you're confusing dominance with tyranny.
My mom was, and still is, painfully submissive. She is very empathetic and loving. It's my father who's the tyrant.
Not every dominant man is an Edmund Kemper.
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Honestly, what is the real gain in that? Think about it, it is more animal than intellectual.
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We're all animals, dearie.
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And it has nothing to do with truely experiencing the deep fabric of another person. It is the difference between a true artist of making love rather than the ravages of grabbing a can of paint and dumping it on the floor. Gee one might as well just be a gorilla.
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Are you critiquing my artistic abilities?
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I think that there is a whole different demension behind sexuality. The spoken and unspoken and it is deeper than meets the eye. Are some born to have a preference, the science says yes. But there are those that are also confused about their sexuality and that also may come from the parents and what they expressed to each person as they grew and developed.
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I agree. There are emotional and romantic aspects to sexuality that I can't understand, considering my mentality. Mind you, that's not my mentality as a man, rather my mentality as a psychopath. Men can and do understand those aspects of love and sex. Where you're getting this notion that all or even most men are selfish, shallow pigs is beyond me.
Sexual confusion in adolescence is fairly common, regardless of how "normal" one's parental figures are.
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I question the aggressive passive behaviors to sex and why that may take place. It is my opinion that it may be a lack of something that an agressor may need control or even a passive person may have a lack also.
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Why are dominant and submissive traits always considered bad? Both are good in certain doses, contrary to popular belief.
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But I have never had a desire for either aggressive or passive positioning, I would prefer an even interest and mutual partnership. More of a learning about each others desires and grow in not only a sexual nature but in all the other demensions of a relationship. I would think that would be the healthy way no matter what prefrence one has in gender. I think that there can be a confusion with the word agressive. I think the healthy approach is to be assertive in both partners.
But that is just my opinion, I suppose as always to each his/her own.
Open Eyes
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Yes, "aggressive" implies "violent". Although, I've met more than few couples who enjoy aggressive and violent sex...
You haven't had many healthy relationships with men-folk, I'm guessing?