Hiya both!

I just wanted to jump in again as a female who's slept with 70 men I feel I have some valid experience to share. I know some may want this to be intellectual but I find that I can't gain access to my intellectual side without going through the experiential side. So here goes...

As far as BDSM goes - I got into that about two years ago, bondage first then more of the classic BDSM stuff. It took me a lot of time analyzing what I was doing because, although I enjoy it on many levels, on many other levels it's a complete turn off and downer. Having analyzed my reasons for this I think I have come to the conclusion that it engages my desire for control. I'm the submissive so you may be thinking what control? I think the submissive has the most control because there is one word I can utter and it all stops. Also, it truly is (for me) recreating the trauma of my past but this time I have the ability to stop it. Sounds sadistic and twisted and I assure you it is. For example, I have been raped and it was a horrible experience that affects me negatively to this day, yet I did a rape role-play with a bf and it was amazingly exciting. Yes, I knew it wasn't real and that may be the difference. It was intense though.

So having slept with 70 men, which is not something I am proud of, but I can't change it so I might as well accept it and use it to help others not go down the same path. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with sleeping with a large number of people. I can tell you that out of the 70 that I have slept with I can count six that were good enough for me to remember their names. 6/70=.08% So, I guess that's enough men to get me legally drunk! JK (sorry couldn't help the pun). Anyway, my point is yes, most of the men that I've slept with have sucked in bed and I have not wanted any more than a one off event.

The one night stand - what it means to me. The one night stand is all about my sexual desire and getting my needs met right now, not long term. I typically go online and post an ad. Within ten minutes I have a list of 20-30 men willing to sleep with me. I choose five or six and set them up to come over throughout the day, never one meeting the other. It takes that many for me to feel sexually satisfied because most men that I've slept with just can't fulfill me. That being said, it has a lot to do with medications that I'm taking and is only in some unknown percentage the fault of the men I'm choosing. Typically once I've slept with a man I don't want to know him any longer. That is, unless we connect on a more intimate emotional level. But, when you're meeting just for sex though, it's hard to even open that emotional valve. Plus, when I don't take the time to build up to sex over a couple month period then it ruins the rest of the potential for that relationship. Why is the man going buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?

Sex is not an emotional act for me, it's purely physical. Although I yearn for that emotional connection and partnership with a man, I'm just not finding it and so resorting to getting atleast my physical needs met. This became a huge problem for me about a year ago and I started to realize that I am indeed a sex addict. I started attending sex and love addicts anonymous and am still attending. I have six months two weeks and I think two or three days of maintaining my bottom lines. So, there is hope.

I wanted to caution you all too, I'm not speaking for all women, I don't think anybody can do that. I'm solely speaking based on my experiences.

Love and hugs,
Tara