I need help with a difficult situation. If there are any professionals that see this please respond.
I have symptoms of aspergers, (clinicians have disagreed), histrionic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and iatrogenic ptsd, from incurring abuse at numerous hospitals.
I know that I am thinking somewhat irrationally right now, and it really scares me.
I recently suffered several hysterical attacks that were so bad that I was almost acting disruptive in the emergency room, which is the same place that I had been abused. I was also so irrational that I drove off several psych nurses that were assigned to be case managers for me.
I was working with a therapist who was really starting to help me, but my legal guardian blocked me from seeing her( the guardianship is being contested, and many mental health professionals have said that they do not even think that I need one.)
My problem is that I suffer hysterical anxiety when I feel unsafe and I have no one to help me, which is the situation I am in right now.
I have been having bad psych symptoms and racing thoughts and anxiety attacks when talking to anyone I do not know, including clinicians.
I also have medical problems, such as lack of sleep and possible occult disorders that are affecting my health, and mentally I feel as though I am in an almost demented state ( I am 29).
I often engage in innapropriate behavior, such as expecting one clinician to be a total caregiver, and being too straightforward with doctors.
I am panicked because I try to communicate to health professionals that I realize that I am being innapropriate this way , but that is out of panic driven impulses and a need for safety.
I have reported medical neglect and abuse to many human services agencies, and no one is doing anything to assist me. I cannot understand why.
Some of these abuses are really obvious ones, such as giving me urgent attention when I suffer from a hypoglycemic attack, and having a nurse or social worker address my concerns and develop a plan of care with me, just as they would for any patient.
I am too hysterical now to even communicate effectively with professionals, I have no social support system.
My nurse case manager, a psych nurse, is aware of my problems fully and keeps telling me that I am on my own, even as I told her yesterday about a medical neglect situation where I could have died as a result from innadequately treated dehydration and heat exhaustion ( I was stigmatized by the er doctor and actually forced by police to leave the hospital when I firmly but politely insisted that I did not feel safe doing so.
Part of my ptsd is that when I take the advice of medical and mental health professionals and try to be assertive and advocate for myself, I am being treated as though I am being combative.
I am also very frightened because I am a very abnormal person, due to the aspergers, and when I have a moment of clarity and realize just how bad it is I basically panic. I wish I could just scrap my life, I am too afraid to be alive.
Ideally someone as disabled as I am would be in a strong and protective family, but my mother and sister are as weak and stressed as i am.
I am very concerned about all of us, as we areall three in a major crisis.