Sorry to hear about your struggles tara,

Yes there is a whole different aspect to the original question that Harnbrand presented here and it can be addressed in different opinions perhaps by various people who are in a passive postion that may not be understood. Or even an aggressive postion that has it's origins as well.

I stated my own opinion and experience and views of the question and it is nice to read other candid opinions on the subject. It may even be therapudic for some here.
Or at the very least something to ponder as in here, there is a chance to hear perhaps what are only wispers that many ears do not hear.

I am sorry to hear about your difficulty with having a sexual relationship and even a normal relationship because of an event that caused your confusion about that process. And there are many people who have true reasons for being aggressive as well as passive, things are not taken into account. And it is not unusual for a woman who had been overpowered in a unwanted sexual experience to react a different way in her or his effort to try to regain some form of "Control" over the reaction to that experience. Many women who are very actively sexual have faced some type of abuse, even from a father or other relative. It is no secret that some become prostitutes as they often view themselves unworthy of anything else or even see this activity as a distorted control method.

It is no doubt that you do crave the normal intimacy and perhaps you somehow felt that by having many different partners you would overcome that event that distorted your view on that in the first place. And it is not unusual for a victim of rape or CSA to feel that they cannot truely participate in a normal relationship and they feel they are damaged as a person and somehow unworthy. Obviously the person that commits the act has no real regard for the victim and feel empowered by the taking of another and there are various psychological reasonings behind that as well. As sometimes an abuser has a history of abuse him or herself.

So it is not just a simple answer or reasoning involved that can address this question with a black and white clear answer. There are clearly many variables involved behind agressive and passive behaviors when it comes to the act of sex itself. And therefore there is another question as I have proposed, why? would one behave in those different manners. The true meaning lies deep within the different unique individuals that present themselves one way or the other and that is in regards to the whole spectrum of the sexual interaction between different human beings.

I presented my opinion because I think that it is sad that many men do not realize they may have an inadaquacy and I don't think that they really wanted it to be that way. And I have tried to ask various women why they have not just tried to work on building a better well rounded relationship with their husbands and mates. But the list of reasons are endless and most imply that the effort would be wasted and that the partner by his or her own issues would never truely understand it. And I just read yet another post that presented that type of issue where the woman simply stated that by just not expressing her concerns the relationship could continue.
So there you go, a silence and ii that a passive response, yes it is. And should that constitute a healthy relationship, NO. To me that is laying a poor foundation for a relationship and then building that relationship only to have it crumble further down the road after investing too many years of ones life, wasteful in my opinion.

I hope others are brave enough to express their thoughts on this question as this is a good place for people to learn and ponder their own perspective on their own form of relating to others within the different kinds of relationships presented in this question.

To truely address this question one does have to consider, why one really chooses to be passive and why one really wants to be the agressor in the sexual interaction.
If anything it may explain why people are forced upon and help them understand the different dimensions of that experience.

It may even offer some direction to those that even feel inadaquate to engage in a relationship.
As many people have never learned how to be assertive towards others in a healthy way where the self esteem within that individual exists in a well rounded manner.

It brings forth some possible honest discussion on how one acts and why. And I am not just addressing male or female but the various forms of interactions within both sexes.

Open Eyes