this is hard to discuss but ...
do you ever seek out abuse? ......the internet allows us plenty of places to find this ....
do you find things seem to cycle .. its when i am very upset that i head in this direction
it makes me sick that i cannot stop this permanently
i ask to see if i am alone in this.... lol i probalby am
Im wondering if this is just another form of self harm - i was used as a child but im an adult now... its a long time ago
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts 
its how many times you get back up! 
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture 
)
When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet