No dear nightowl YOU ARE NOT stupid.
You hurt. It doesn't matter right now if you cannot reason with the whys of your hurt. What matters is you are in pain and I want to support you and let you know people care.
I am sorry you are struggling with memories that are tormenting you right now.
Is there someone you can call IRL? Can you talk more to us about what is going on in your mind?
How can we surround you here and help keep you safe?