OH my gosh! Thank you for this

I never saw my doing what I've done at times, as this-- but YES I think i've done this as well.

I'm so sorry you too seek out abuse (you are not alone)

..... do you think we somehow identify with being abused? maybe feeling we deserve it?...or it's what we know and thus were not truly "alive" without it? ..
like it's in our inner make-up.. since we had it from a VERY young age?.....(I recall seeking out distrubing abuse, from other kids, as young as 6...blech, never realized that till just now.........my memory of abuse started as a very tiny one)

I encountered varies abuses as a child and young adult-- I think it became an identity for me- something that I expected to be a part of me..... and yet, I so hate being treated abusively....

I thank you for your bravery and insight on sharing this-- it has helped me to put what I believe is a very important piece into the puzzle that is me.
thank you
I wish you inner peace and self acceptance.

fins