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Old Jul 02, 2011, 07:26 PM
Anonymous32970
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Open... There was too much in there for me to tackle on one coherent post, so I'm picking out the most important parts if you don't mind.

Dominance... Some people have qualities of their personality that make them naturally dominant individuals - be that future leaders of fortune 500 companies or childhood bullies. They can be more vocal, sociable, and blunt (Dr. Phil) or reserved, quiet, yet highly esteemed (Don Vito Corleone from The Godfather), among a variety of other qualities. Although, dominance alone does not a good leader make. I don't watch Dr. Phil often, but I'd bet he's good with people and considers others' opinions. When a domineering person refuses to acknowledge or tolerate anyone who disagrees with him or her... that's a tyrant.

Dominant people in relationships are generally more likely to be extroverted, confrontational about problems, make decisions, pursue their desires, voice their opinion, initiate sex, and so forth. Subs are generally more introverted, compliant, ask, avoid confrontation, provide support emotionally, et cetera. These roles, in relationships especially, are dynamic. A sub may call the shots in certain situations that he or she is more adept in handling while the dom takes a back seat. Sometimes these roles are subtle and change often, sometimes they're more prominent.

Assertiveness is not the only aspect in a relationship. Negotiating and complying are equally important, otherwise the problem would never get solved. This is an issue in many relationships. The partners are so busy fighting for control and defining their "roles" that nothing ever gets done.

Me? I'm secure enough with myself to admit when I'm wrong. And I'd much rather have a woman who is willing to confront me than one who "silently suffers" as I go about my ways thinking everything is fine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tara
Having analyzed my reasons for this I think I have come to the conclusion that it engages my desire for control. I'm the submissive so you may be thinking what control? I think the submissive has the most control because there is one word I can utter and it all stops.
I've heard a lot of BDSMr's say the same thing. They also have more say in what position they want and so forth.

"Move a little this way... No... No... Ahh... That's it..."

Quote:
Also, it truly is (for me) recreating the trauma of my past but this time I have the ability to stop it. Sounds sadistic and twisted and I assure you it is.
I don't think it's twisted (although, my sense of "twisted" may be skewed...). It's like reclaiming a sense of control. Makes sense to me.