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Old Jul 03, 2011, 08:39 AM
Anonymous29403
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Hi Korin ~ Good to hear from you

You mentioned "Unfortunately, once broken, I don’t believe it can be made whole". I saw a book title once " Strong at the Broken Places ". I envision being super glued back together again at the "broken places", metaphorically speaking. However, whenever I say to myself I am a broken person, this book title pops up in my mind.

I don't want these fragmented pieces at all anymore too, Korin. These fragmented parts lead me into all kinds of danger and embarrassing situations. I spend most of my time hiding from people and I don't go out at all anymore. I used to enjoy outdoor concerts in the summer, museums, horse shows, boating, etc......... soo any things. Now I view the world from my rocking chair on my very private balcony where no one can see me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Korin View Post
"I have Dissociative states that I have labelled"

I like that terminology. I dislike the idea of different people in the one body and much prefer to see this as a damaged or fragmented personality. This fragmentation causes periodic dissociation similar to sudden and severe mood changes. It's just how I prefer to see it (DID).

What works for me works for me most of the time but not always. Accepting the situation and acknowledging my other parts helped. Learning to communicate and negotiate helped too, even if it did make me feel like a crazy person talking to myself. I struggled for a long time to ignore what was going on, long before I knew what it was called.

I was forced to acknowledge them through minor accidents like shutting my fingers in drawers, banging my head on cupboard doors and other kitchen type accidents, until finally I screamed, "Okay!! I hear you!!!"

Later, years later, when everything had settled down a lot, I went back to trying to ignore them believing it was the way to get well. I believed I needed them when I was a child but I didn't need them anymore and I thought I could just make them go away. Silly me. The result was a war, a sibling type war. There was a lot of hysterics and threats of suicide, and even threats of other 'real' family members being hurt. There was suicide attempts and hospitalisation and meds. That lasted about ten years. Then it was time to seek out some real help. And so I was finally diagnosed DID three years ago. I still don't talk about it with anyone but psych-doc and on forums. Only two family members know what I'm dealing with. The rest believe I'm being treated for depression.

Now I’m back to kind of ignoring them. I have already put some of what Amandalouise has described into practise. I am stronger and I do feel much more in control. And I can deal with my parts quite well and I do push them back should I feel them surfacing. The truth is I really don’t need them anymore and I need them to go away. I know that’s not what happens. I know I have to take them within and become one whole personality. Unfortunately, once broken, I don’t believe it can be made whole. But I want this to stop now. I don’t want it and I don’t need it.
Thanks for this!
Korin