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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
LOL Lynn well, I really try to respect the fact that some can get triggered and I do want them to read and think about relationships as some have a lot of trouble and don't even want a relationship at all.
When I think of Domineering I think Donald Trump and he could seem like prince charming and has clearly sweep more than one woman off her feet. He didn't mind changing from one to the next. None of the women yelled abuse, only that he left them in the dirt to move to the next top model etc. And what about Tiger woods?
Was he just a Tyrant? I don't recall any of those women being anything but pleased YET, they were not so pleased when they found out they were just on a list and not the only one.
Bill Clinton and Hilary, would you say they were both Domineering? Although only one could speculate in that instance. And what about Arnold Swartzaneger? Was he domineering or just tyrannical? I didn't hear his wife complain other than the infedelity and lieing. And I have a feeling he was Domineering in that marriage.
What is longevity of it. Can there be a complimentary couple, I still ask for a successful example that we would all know.
Give me an example, of all the people in history, surely has there been that configuation that was ever lasting, not arguing for control and could exemplify a good relationship.
Lynn you touched on your own relationship. Was he domineering in the beginning and it turned to tyranical? Does it progress that way? ( I still think your smart enough to get out of that somehow, I am plugging for you)
Open Eyes
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I really wasn't planning on talking about my own marriage or husband on this thread lol. We're dealing with his brothers death ATM so I'm not feeling it's appropriate to criticize. I will briefly talk about but I think this thread is about sexuality and sort of turned into this discussion of dominance and submissiveness.
I was trying to narrow it down to how it plays into a sexual relationship. it also varies from minor to unhealthy dysfunctional dominance and where submissiveness become codependancy. Yes my husband tends to be dominant, partly because of the way he was raised and his culture. He also has his own major psychological issues that haven't really been dealt with. If dominance and submissive nature is at a healthy level, then yes it can work just fine. All the people you mentioned are unhealthy role models.
You might be surprised that I would say something to support my husband but I wanted to explain him from a human compassionate viewpoint for a minute. My husband grew up with 2 dysfunctional parents with 8 siblings and very poor. The father used to beat his wife and kids including him. He was a tyrant and probably had psychological issues too. The Muslim religon allows up to 4 wives, so for my husband...this is normal and not a slap in the face, in his mind, even thoguh it's not widely practiced
Personally I have nothing against Polygamist marriages or polyamorous relationships - 'I' just don't want to live this way. If all participants are cool with this arrangement, then that fine - there's even an advantage on this kind of cooperative arrangement. The stickler for me is, I don't agree to this for myself. There are times when my husband is very kind and he's a good father, so he's not all bad. I won't allow my own bad opinion to tarnish the purity of my own childrens relationship with their father.
I was very naive and sheltered when I was 17 and didn't know I was headed for a dysfunctional relationship. The flags were there but I didn't see them - I was literally blinded by love. If only I knew what I know now, I could have made a better decision BUT I wouldn't have my girls. SO, everything happens for a reason and he's darn lucky to have chosen (me) a woman who's not vindictive and selfish, otherwise I would have packed my kids up and went to a womens shelter. My kids would have been traumatized and I would be in a huge bitter battle with him. Yes i would be away from him but at what cost to my kids?? They truly love him and I recognize this and value it, despite the hurt he caused me. It's easy to show kindness to someone who deserves it - the challenge is to show kindness when someone doesn't deserve it. I did all of this for my girls and for myself - I won't become the hardened dysfunctional person he is sometimes. I won't allow this to make me a bitter person. One thing I'll give him credit for, is he never abandoned me financially or his children.
Everyone falls somewhere between dominance and submissiveness. I think some of us were trying to say its hard to have 2 dominant people in a relationship or 2 submissives. There's a saying "there's too many chiefs and not enough Indians" lol. Someone needs to take charge and hopefully it benefits the submissive follower too. It is possible to be a moderate dominant or submissive and have a good relationship.