Quote:
Originally Posted by franki_j
But that's the thing: what led up to me having an ED was just normal body image issues that started when I was 14. And then I went on a diet, and then I stopped eating, and then I started binging, and then I started purging and on and on and on...But I feel like now that I'm older and I've gone to therapy, I've been able to largely get out of that cycle. It's not like there was a specific traumatic moment that caused the ED. SO I don't really know where to go from here in my therapy, you know?
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Yeah I see. It's a bit similar for me. I agree with what Eskie said that sometimes it's hard to see the connection but with food stuff, or with any addiction or compulsion, it is always tied at some basic, biological level to emotion regulation. There is something there.
I don't know how to approach this either in T. I basically just sit there and spew random stuff and watch her expression.. like is this boring you? Does this make sense? Sometimes what I say seems to engage her. And sometimes I just end up drawing back and trying to regroup. Like why am I here? What am I doing this for? I go back and forth a lot and have just basically settled on not quitting for a while.
Yesterday I was going through my old journals and something suddenly hit me. It was like a lightbulb moment. It's like I could break it down-- something happened in these years, something different could have happened here in this relationship, these are the skills I need to learn now. That couldn't have happened without the education my T has imparted to me in these... (6?) sessions. And I forgave myself for a lot of the mistakes of the past. It was all very clear and satisfying. I don't know if that makes sense.
I'm sorry it feels sort of pointless right now. But it's so so wonderful that you're seeing some changes already with the ED. That's a good sign. Do stick with it, at least for a while.
