Quote:
Originally Posted by franki_j
Thanks for the support guys!
Well, one thing I was thinking was that I know a lot of my issues with my weight and body image stem from my family, and especially my dad. And because I was home with my parents over vacation, some of those issues came up, but I didn't discuss them with my therapist, I just made it sound like everything was great when I was away (which for the most part it was).
But for example, my dad and I had a discussion and he told me, in all seriousness, that women shouldn't be allowed to vote. And I asked him if that included me, and he looked at me and said "No I don't think you should be allowed to vote." So of course this turned into a huge argument that ended with me crying hysterically (I am getting my MA right now, and it is really hard dealing with men who think you are an idiot).
You see, I think my dad beleives that women should just be pretty objects to look at and intelligence comes second. So obviously this has somthing to do do with my body issues, but I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want to sound so dramatic or self-pitying, and I really do love my family a lot, and then I also think about some of the things that people are going thru that are a lot worse problems than mine, and I feel like my dad telling me that isn't really bad at all compared to other people's problems, and then I feel like I am fishing for sympathy from her. But I guess I should probably say something, right? I mean, what do you guys think?
|
Hi franki - my father has distorted attitudes towards women - women should always wear skirts, have pretty nails, be financially looked after by men, shouldn't drive cars anywhere other than to the local shop, are unlovable if they are hold or over weight, shouldn't old certain jobs etc. etc. I grew up with this and amongst other issues in my life, I believe this has had a huge impact on my life. I hate dressing in a feminine way at work, always wear trousers and practical shoes, I am also cautious what I wear when I go out. I am 45 now and I have battled with the low self esteem issues I had as a result of that upbringing - these have led to binging, starving and self loathing - not wanting to see or touch my body and other stuff.
I loved my father very much and so wanted him to be proud of me - it felt like an impossible task. Until I realised that his attitudes were very warped and I was not better or worse than any other human being. However it is one thing to know that but much harder to really feel it inside as a truth.
What's important in the things you have shared are that they are issues for you - there is no measure of what is not such a big deal for people and what is significantly worse - the important thing is how it makes you feel, how it may impact on who you are or who you want to be.
Therapy is so very hard, I still don't totally understand it 15 months down the line, but recently I have started to notice some changes and I know that is a good thing.
People say to just be open with your T about your thoughts / feelings, if possible to share what you have written on here - that in itself may be something you can both explore and may speak volumes. However I know that talking with yoru T can be hugely difficult and can take time.
Good luck
