So, for anybody that really gives a .... well, you know.....
I have posted that I was going to be accountable to not taking all my meds and see how I did.
I actuallly had some stable time and talked with my Psych and we agreed I could go off my meds, with the idea that if I had symptoms of depression, etc I would go back on.
Well, I guess I found out my answer. Long story short, it didn't go well. I bounced all over the place-I felt like I was literally being "slammed" from one emotion to another-very extreme. Or as I described to to my psych, I felt all this energy that would go into a slot on a roulette table, then all of a sudden it would go into another slot and I kept on going to different slots (emotions, but extreme ones). He stated that I was, "rapid cycling" OK whatever.
I am back on meds and am frankly amazed at how much better I feel. I really didn't realize the difference for me of what it was like off my meds vrs on.
I didn't want to come on this site and say this, to be honest. I felt embarressed and stupid.
But today I thought, I said I would be accountable here, so I better get with it. So, here I am.
Where do I go from here? I don't know. For now I am ok. There is a part of me that really see's the difference. Theres a part of me that is still pissed that I am this way. I don't want to be.
So, there it is. Accountable.
For anyone that took the time to read-thanks.