Thanks for the words of encouragement.
My children mean the world to me, and at times I think I'm over-protective of them because of my own childhood. I talk to them about everything, try to answer all their questions and go above and beyond to help them, unlike my own parents.
I am married, again, this time to a man whom I've known and been friends with since before my oldest son was born, so about 14 years. He is great, he's nice to me, I believe that he loves me and he has always been there for me.
I do have many self-esteem issues, feeling like I'm not worthy of a healthy, happy relationship, not worthy of being loved. I constantly worry that my husband will find someone better than me and for that reason I am can become emotionally detatched very easily. My imagination often runs amuke and the paranoia is overwhelming... then just as fast as the feelings come over me they're gone. I'm left feeling empty and alone. During this time I feel as though I'm losing control of myself, I'm having a mental breakdown.
In the past I've been told that I'm cold, heartless, aloof and brazen. I often blurt things out, like answers to questions, before the question is even finished being asked. I talk at people and many people cannot follow or participate in a conversation with me because they can't get a word in. I can rattle off facts and figures about topics no one, sans myself, even cares about! I often will drop everything that I am doing if someone, especially a romantic partner, needs me to do anything for them. I just cannot say no to anyone, I feel so guilty if I do mange to say no, so I'll end up doing whatever it was they asked of me.
When a relationship does end it's very odd as I can simply, easily just move right on to the next as though the previous had no effect on me, despite the fact that it did/does.