It picks away at my self-esteem. Their words flow through my brain. If the ones who are supposed to love me, hate me, how will anyone else ever love me? When they would have rather I had been dead. Sometimes I wonder if they were right.

I feel so ignored and unloved. They never helped me. Ever. Then they blamed me and told me everything was my fault. It was my fault they told me I was better off dead. I was the one who made them say that. It was my fault they yelled and screamed at me. I was supposed to keep them from being mad. Even when they would just start yelling at me while I was eating my after school snack.

I don't know how to feel better. I feel so disgusting. I feel like I should curl up in a ball and hide from the world.

Why wont this pain go away? Why can't I just cut them off? Why do I keep going back?