Sorry it's so tough right now soup. I fluctuate too...always worried about when it will hit next, constant roller coaster of ups and downs and nothings. I think what was keeping me stuck the most was that I thought I had dealt with everything and then I realized that I never processed the emotions that go with the events...it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do - not just re-live the events, but re-living the emotions that went with it. Those are the times that I retreat to feeling nothing - when there is just too much. Healing does take energy and sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it. I can only hope that in the end it will be.