I think a lot of your feeling of guilt and shame stem from the CSA. Unfortunately, the dirty feeling is far too common in survivors. Are you in therapy? Maybe if you process some of these feelings and re-associate sex as a natural, pleasurable experience rather than an abusive one, your thoughts surrounding pregnancy will change. Do you want to have a child? If it is something you really want, I think healing from your past can help you re-define pregnancy in more positive terms. Good Luck to you and welcome to PC