Welcome to PC!

I'm glad you could post and get this out there. There seems to be a lot of turmoil. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Probably the theme that stood out for me was there seems to be a lot of control issues on both parts. I would devote some time to finding a way to get some professional help for the two of you. If she doesn't want it, then just you go. Since you have already made the decision to stay, you will really want to concentrate your work on how you react to your wife. As the only one you can change is yourself. If you can't find help, buy some books on communication, assertiveness, boundaries, etc.

Wishing you the best!