hiya;

Man, I looked at the chart of observing and describing emtions-the first one, naming them-I feel there should be ten steps just for that lolz!

When I started therapy, jealousy was a big one. Just saying that I still feel loads of guilt-but jealousy is a natural, if not a healthy emotion to identify something tat you feel you want if not deserve.

I'll use a personal example here too...

the first time I encounterd Jealousy in therapy was when I was in the waiting area for therapy, and my T spent longer with a client, it rolled into my time. At the time I just felt overwhelmed-I got kinda struck sometimes even with the idea that my T had other clients, which also used to make me feel ashamed (feeling ashamed for wishing I was the only client). So that feeling of being overwhelmed...I think it snowballs when you know you're upset but don't feel like you are "allowed" to be, (maybe that patient needed the extra time inorder to gather themselves together or something = so "I can't be angry" type of thing). Even then I didn't even know I was angry. I didn't even realize I had the option of telling my T that I felt something-upset-in some way.

My T talked to me in session about it-asked me how I felt. Lol, I said it was all gravy haha. Told him that I understood that the client might have needed the extra time. LOL my T was on it-he's all "but it must have upset you, maybe even made you feel abandoned that I didn't start your session on time because of another client?" I continued to deny it. Things always come up again sooner or later, and so the next issue was he had to cancel a session. Haha, he'd be all "you're mad at me" and I be all "nuh-uh!" The truth was I was afraid of the consequences of admitting all the "blah" of what I really felt. And when I did get to that point-"blah" was all it came out as...all I could do was cry (which actually makes me wonder if this problem was felt as an infant when I could not speak yet, or, "preverbal".) Then he would keep having to say "you're mad at me" I would go through the "denial-and-100-years-later-cry" cycle many times.

and then....one day...."you're mad at me" and I was able to reply-"I think I did feel abandoned, and it sucked because I had this sense like I didn't know what was gonna happen to me, or if I was still loved or if it changed the relationship in some bad or even different way...I didn't know what it meant for us" and then from there, we were able to discuss that all these feelings ressonated around being adopted, and this cluster**** with my dad favoring my brother when I was really little-actually, even as an adult.

Phew. So yeah, that was the process for me-I felt it, and then the therapist point out that what that feeling was was jealousy and anger.
And it's amazing what we recreate-like as a kid, I was angry with the client instead of my T, just like back then I got mad at my bro instead of my dad. lol. this stuff is a huge smoldering pile of bat**** I tell you! haha.

If your T does not prompt you in asking what you feel-the best thing to do is talk. Haha, or cry-crying is awesome and helps you get to that exact archaic feeling you had back then.

Good luck SD!
Take care,
-kayo