It also triggered me because that's a core issue of mine. I'm seeking a family, a parent, specifically a mother. And my other T (not Uni) has made it clear that that will never happen. That I pretty much have to deal with this void. After that dream, I think I realized that I can't do that. It's something so core to me, so tied to me, so desperately needed, that it's not something I think can be fixed in therapy.

So now I just want to quit. I want to run because I can't deal with the pain of attachment. But at the same time all I want to do is cling tightly to her and say please just don't let me go.

Her gone and this dream has just triggered the hell out of me and made me realize how badly I just want her. How badly I just want to know that if I reach for her she'll be there. And I think it's slapped me in the face that it's not the case.