This reply being written another day. I want to thank everyone that shared their thoughts and experiences because in between all of those shared words from the heart, I found other people that get it, that understand. I learned better how to approach with this T....but as things turn out, this is how it is now.
My last visit- and is my last visit- I felt so much worse it felt like there was no relating, no connection nothing I said or did not say changed the basic nature of us possibility being able to work together. I left last time feeling so confused, saying to myself- (you know that "self talk"- am I such off track and so wrong that even a therapist does not get it or me?)

Later that same day, in passing conversation with a close friend, she highly recommended the other T that works there. No big discussion, just try this T.
So I feel hopeful. I called first T, brought closure to our meeting to work together any longer. I tried doing this with our last visit but she didn't get what I was saying. I guess. But more positive note, I am now working on getting an appointment with a therapist that will help guide me through this situation I am in and support my motivation.

thank all of you for being who you are, and being open.