jwabf, I am so sorry for your loss and I identify with what you are saying, sadly. Through these tragic experiences you learn fast that real friends are very rare and most people are not strong unless they have to be. I had a similar experience after surviving a very violent crime. People could not deal with it, not even people close to me. It wasn't my fault, but I got the brunt of not just the crime itself, but other people's fears and confusion about the unpredictability and savageness of random violence.

When people tell me I am strong and a survivor I think, wow, I'd rather be rich and pretty. Not really, but you know, it gets old.

Thank you for sharing that. I do have a therapist and have been through many, many years of therapy and no doubt will see many more. I'm OK. There are some things about people I'd rather not know, but I think that knowing them has made me more compassionate. I hope so.