I wonder about examining the relationship you have with your T. Are you walled off because you are defending something and trying to keep it safe? Is there something you need/want to share and can't, and need her to pull you out from behind the wall? Or is the connection with this T just not there and you need to work with someone you have better chemistry with?

I wonder if you want her to tolerate it, or if you want her to be a bit more assertive and try to encourage you more directly to drop the walls. I would explore that with T. Talk to T and tell her, I have this wall, this disconnect. And then explore if you want to connect with T, or not.

There is no "wrong way" in therapy. It just may not be a great match.

Good luck to you.