Don't feel bad if you need the anti depressents. Sometimes they are needed. Go to your Doc and ask her or him about. You can also use what was suggested earlier about the fist clinching when a bad attack comes along. Try not to beat yourself up do what ever it takes for you to be well and happy. It doesn't mean you are less then if you need the medicine it means that you are being proactive in your recovery process.
Well tha is my two cents. Hope it help.
Take care of yourself
Maggie