Hi Fixxxer, I can totally identify with your turmoil. My boyfriend of 8 years is Schizophrenic and working towards recovery with his illness. By recovery I mean managing himself from day to day in a productive way. He behaved in a manner that was very similar to a bi polar and from what I understand BP and Schizophrenia are similar in some ways as far as out of control behavior. My bf has never been mean to me or hurtful he tended to turn negativity toward himself and was suicidal at one point. But he was emotionally unstable and wanted everything his way and wanted me to agree with everything he wanted and to be it wasnt what I wanted. so we had constant conflict. Im noticing that you said your wife wants control over everything and my bf wanted control of everything. Ok I believe your wife my want control on everything because it maybe a real part of her personality and the bi polar makes it worse and maybe she may also want control because she feels like the way she feels and acts is beyond her control. My bf wanted to have contol of everything because he couldnt control himself. I had to constantly tell him that he doesnt have a right to control me or anyone else but himself over the years he finally got thee message and he finally started mellowing out after some years on meds. But another thing that is essential for you to survive is try not to take things personally I know easy for me to say right? I use to take everything my bf say to heart and get wound up about it and it had a dire effect on my health. Ive learned maybe I can ignore stupid things ya know? but always stand up for yourself like you`ve been doing. but learn to pick battles more carefully. Also find a support group its free till u can afford the serice you need. build your support system with other husbands of bi polar wives. find ways to maintain your own physical and mental and emotional healthy no matter whats going on around you good luck!