Well, thank you so far. Sanada, I have been working on each thing separately, one thing at a time. I have all these puzzles around me and I try to work on one at a time. I wouldn't really throw the food, although I want to emotionally, I would handle it differently.

I have been doing nothing but trying to address one issue at a time. And I do have more issues in my lap than I can really handle all at once. My thread is more about the ongoing frustration that even though I have tried to separate everything and remain calm, well, it keeps lumping together somehow. And I really try hard to control my thoughts and feelings and even make efforts to try to control the anxiety attacks that often seem to come from no where. I have come to realize that by addressing the various issues, even seperately, it seems to build up in me without my really realizing it.

Everyone has the same response, hire a new lawyer. If only it was that easy. I have called around and investigated that and I get the same reply. None of them want to take my case on because I am three years into the case. And, they all know who my attorney is, he was very successful and he is 78 years old. So what they are looking at is the man that was, not the one that is. And I have also realized that there is a type of loyalty these attornies build amongst themselves. Now, I can understand this and why it would be that way. But that doesn't help me. In fact I realize that I am only hurting myself and whatever relationship I may have with my attorney as I feel that all I am doing is practicing in some type of gossip. I don't want to do that, that is not productive. It is a damed if I do, damed if I don't situation. In fact, that is also what I deal with in my ongoing situation with my neighbor. It is so bazaar to me and I know that I cant run and hide, I have to deal with this and get through it. I just havent been able to come up with a solution.

It has been so strange, my husband see that I struggle but he has no answers. He gets frustrated and he even adds to it. I have accepted the fact that all of this is in my lap and I have no choice but to continue to address it all. I get it. My anxiety level has decreased with the acceptance of the FACTS. But I still don't know how to resolve the issues yet. I have been working on it each aspect of it separately including the way I react to these issues. PC has been great for that because it really takes my mind off of constantly trying to resolve it.

And get a new T? Oh, finding this one has taken a lot of time and this one, along with others has already told me that I missed my calling, I should have been a T.
My husband constantly tells me I am just too smart. And quite frankly I dont find that comforting at all. I am not one to just give in or give up, I have always been a fighter and worked hard at life. I certainly don't lack for back bone, I just had more than I could handle come to my table. And if I am so dam smart like everyone tells me, why can't I fix my situation?

No, I am pretty stubborn and I am not going to let this neighbor get the best of me.
Dealing with my lawyer? I just don't know, I can see how he is somewhat protected and I often feel like I am the only one that stands up and talks. As far as the feelers I have put out, the quiet suggestions are to try to continue with my case working with this attorney. In other words dear, just make the best of it and understand that no one else is going to want to deal with it. And there it is in a nut shell, story of my life, try and make the best of it dear because no one else wants to address it.
And actually in my last therapy session my therapist mentioned that life is not fair and thats just the way it is. So if I let him teach me breathing exercises and poke my ear with some method that proves to reduce stess, thats my therapy. LOL

It is funny how my husband tells me that I over think things, I seem to expect bad things to happen. And yet he clearly sees that when I order a dam dinner and make every effort to state what not to do? Well, he sees that my attempts are futile.
It is so bazaar to me that I state things that seem to happen, I make every attempt to prevent these things from happening and they still happen and then no one wants to address it. But it ends up in my lap and I am left holding the bag. The funny thing to me is that everyone sees I am right and they run and I am left holding the preverbial bag. I find myself saying I see this and I see that and I feel this person is this and that and no one wants to believe me. And then everything unfolds just as I have said they would and everyone walks away. And I just hear that statement, "your just too smart". How about someone else being just to smart?

I am not giving up, I realize that I have to find my way through this, I HAVE TO DO THE WORK, I get it. I can certainly handle the dinner and bring it back, but the point is, I should have never had to do that to begin with, I certainly made it a point to state what, how and why in the first place and I was adamate about it.

Open Eyes