Welcome to Psych Central.

I so understand where you are coming from. From my experience, I had to work on myself and let the other person deal with their own stuff (though I did tell them how their response affected me).

Because of my past experiences, any time someone showed any type of irritation, I automatically felt it was because of me. I didn't know if their responses were normal or over the top but regardless, it caused a lot of stress inside my head.

I had to do a lot of self talk. Once I established with this person that they weren't angry at me and I hadn't done anything, I had to choose to believe them, no matter what my brain was saying. Then I had to do a LOT of self talk, letting myself know that it was not because of me and not my fault. I had to do it each and every time they got short with me. I just did a quick, "Are you mad at me or your situation?" or "Did I offend you or is this your stuff?" I needed that reassurance that it wasn't me. I still ask and I still do self talk when I can't determine the situation or it throws me into a panic. It has gotten a little easier for me to do and I'm a lot faster at doing it now instead of falling into my own flashback and/or memory issues.

It's so hard when we react to things that might have been from our past.

Perhaps you can try this with your husband? If he knows how it affects you, perhaps you can ask him each time if it's about you and then do some self talk? I know it's difficult, even with the self talk, but I do think it can get easier.

Good luck with your journey.