Even though my T now knows everything I still can't talk to him about stuff on the phone very well. I think, for me, it has to do with not being able to see his physical reaction. I need to see his body ques so that I know how he feels (my perception of how he feels) about what I am saying. If I say anything too major and can't see his reaction I worry that even though his voice stayed kind he is secretly disgusted by me. This is after 4 years of therapy and telling him every little detail of everything I do without once having him react in any way that wouldn't qualify as caring and concerned, I still don't trust him enough to speak to him on the phone about deep stuff. So I understand totally.

As far as the surgery thing goes, you are not alone. I look forward to those types of things. Not so much for the cutting itself but the pain afterward. If I am hurt I can say "Hey look at me, I am hurting so you have to care for me." I just wish I could do the same with the emotional pain as well.
Carrie