I used to simply zone out for a few moments when thoughts wanted to seep in, but lately it has gotten interruptingly worse. I have sat through a traffic light, and my wife was present in the truck. The one incident last year on the tractor is an exception, because I can usually perform repetitive task like wlaking or even driving when it does not require any thought to keep going, but if allowed to let my mind idle, seconds and even days have psaaed in what seems like no time at all. I feel motionless, and have no real thoughts at all, but have to be aware that I becoem easily angry.
My sister used to visit at thanksgiving, and she was worse than me. We all just sat around in a daze not speaking even though we had not seen each other in years.
One side note, and I have been wondering a lot about this lately; but when we were small children, my mother used to come in and wisper things to us she wnated us to know in our sleep at night. Things like spelling words at school the next day, and chores for us when she was gone. When I was 16 I began waking around at 1 or 2 AM with severe anxiety attacks that have actually caused me to pass out trying to get to the bathroom. I have had them without warning all through my adult life, almost always in the middle of the night, but they have slowed down recently.
A therapist I had last year told me that because I can recall being molested during the day when I was awake, then why not when I was asleep also? I suppose I did not want to know that.
My supposed father was a social workre and learned to do hypnosis, and used to enjoy practicing it on kids.
I was hypnotized by a liscensed therapist I was seeing during one single session back in 1980, and he never saw me again after that session.
Then in 1997 I catherized while under anasthesia for surgery to my back, and I have not worked outside our home since.
I know there is a connection, but what can I do about it? I recently have been referred to a good therapist who is liscensed in my area by Listener who posts on this site. This new therapist is on a national registry for working on PTSD, and Dissociation, and appears to have a desire to want to help me.
Thank you for inquiring Emily. You may message me through this site if you wish to aks more.