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Have dealt with depression for over 12 years and im only 25, the newest thrill is anxiety that started a couple years ago. I have tried nearly all medications available over the years and nothing seems to work. I am currently on citalopram and valium, although the citalopram must be doing something because everytime I try and switch meds or quit, I feel complety pycho and absolutely cannot cope.
I can barely get out bed no matter howmuch I sleep. I can barely go to work. I can barely do anything at all. Even when I am at work it takes everything I have in me just to stay. I have to take care of my son who I have full custody of, maybe that’s the only thing that DOES get me out of bed because I know he counts on me. I have a lot on my plate, and a lot of horrible things I have to deal with, but I cant help but wonder even if I had no issues to deal with I would still feel the same way. Even if I won a million dollars I would still feel the same way. People tell me im strong. They say I am strong for dealing with what I have to deal with, but they are wrong, I feel totally weak. I have no energy and just want to lock myself in my room and sleep and not deal with anyone. This has been going on to long and only seems to get worse.
I feel terrible for anybody that has to deal with this and I know there is no “magic pill” but wish there was some med that atleast made me “content”. I almost have accepted the fact I wont be happy, I just pray one day I will feel content. I feel like an old man, tired, irritable, and im shutting people out of my life like my girlfriend, friends, family. I cannot keep up with my work and don’t expect to me there much longer. Too many external problems, too many internal problems I feel like im going to explode. Nobody understands, they just say “Suck it up”, well I am, I am everyday. Im giving 100% just to go about my day. The anxiety is awful too, i feel like a weirdo at work, like i dont talk to anyone or aynthing. It sounds ridiculous, but i almost feel disabled. Like I have a serious disease. I think, i just need a good night sleep and Ill feel better in the morning...never happens..
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