Thank you pachyderm for that hug.
Well, I did take the chinese dinner back and had a discussion about the difference between Chinese vegetables and celery. And I also mentioned that fact that the pork itself had a bad after taste and I have ordered that same dish enough times to know the difference. I did get my money back in exchange for the meal that was clearly loaded with an undetermined vegetable that tastes and looks just like celery.
And to my surprise when I got in the car my husband put out his hand for the money.
He was perfectly willing to throw the dinner out and didn't like the fact that I wanted to address it. So he failed to check the meal at the restaurant, I had to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and took the time to address the meal and he should get the money? So he bought me a dinner didn't check it out and he ate his dinner, I didn't and he gets the money back. A bit of difference in reasoning there don't you think?
But this one is better. I had mentioned that I went to my T appointment and waited for 1/2 hour. I finally knocked on the door and he told me he forgot and he was sorry and he would call to reschedule.
Ok, he just left a message that he never scheduled an appointment (I clearly remembered we did and he acknowleged that yesterday) but now his story is changed. He told me that it was agreed that we take a week off and I clearly remember stating that I didn't want to do that and I would do my best to make that morning appointment. In the message on my machine he says that we scheduled an appointment for next week at 2pm. Well we didn't. And I would call this adding insult to injury. Especially seeing that one of my main issues is lack of trust for therapists and addressing many lies in my past. He had already admitted the truth and why on earth would he then lie? Yes, I already felt abandoned or insignifcant when he admitted that he forgot. Now what is this suppose to do to help me? I think it is more about helping himself. And even if I go and address this I know exactly what is going to happen, he is going to put the blame on me and that it was me that misunderstood him. I can't even begin to state the number of times that has been thrown at me in my past. Oh, I especially like the one where I was injured in a colonoscopy and they insisted I must have been in a car accident. What is so dam difficult about just being honest?
Now I know that I made that appointment because I tried to find ways to prepare myself for taking my meds earlier so that I could actually make that appointment and I told my husband that it was important that I didn't forget my appointment. It was more of a self reminder as I knew it was going to be a long weekend and you already know about the whole weekend.
And now I don't even want to go and see this therapist because I can't point out that he just did something that I need to figure out how to stop from happening.
You know this is not funny because my last therapist was an admitted recovering herion addict who habitually lied and admitted having narcisistice tendencies. And my new therapist has already been informed of this. And one of the issues I really wanted to work on was how to deal with my attorney and how to address the fact that he cant remember and I really need to have someone that can truely remember enough to see me through this lawsuit that is all about dealing with another person who was admittedly negligent and now is also lieing.
And to be honest, my attorney makes mistakes, forgets and also lies about that and I am left wondering what to think. I have had two depositions scheduled and was not informed of either. Oh perhaps I could talk to the now separating partner and address the fact that she informed me that the deposition was on the schedule and that I should be getting notified any day, perhaps the notification was already in the mail. No, it never came, and if I try to meet with her, what is she going to do? How about taking a guess? Do you honestly think that she is going to admit that my attorney did not inform me properly? Oh, thats right justice is blind and truth must be blind too and I really feel like I have to equip myself with a recording machine.
How bad is that? And I know I have every reason to be hypervigillant lets just add some more reasons to it right?
I know that I am just venting here but I would actually like to live MY LIFE and not have to ARRANGE MY LIFE AROUND SO MANY LIES. Why couldn't my therapist just stay with the truth, why did he feel it was necessary to lie? Is there actually a human being that I can sit across from that is HONEST and has no PROBLEM BEING HONEST? This is really CREEPY.
Open Eyes
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