Since I quit university because I just couldn't cope, my dad has been so horrible to me. Telling me I'm stupid, that he can't believe what I've done, that he can't believe how much I've thrown away, etc. My aunt was around on Saturday and said that I could have come shopping with her in the supermarket that morning when we met her there because it woul;d have saved us time, but my dad said, "Her! She can't do anything!" - talking about me. He's been saying that I'm stupider than my uncle and stupider than my cousin. I would usually feel very hurt by his daily comments and his silences and angry looks at me, but now I don't feel anything when he starts on at me, and most of the time my mood is like that as well. My dad, having found alcohol in my room and knowing that I had started drinking when I was depressed a few years back, has banned me from having any alcohol in the house, and these past few days the urges to drink have come back again. I managed to tell him about the SI on the day I told him about why I left university, but he said "That was a stupid thing to do" and has never mentioned it since, except perhaps obliquely when he said that when he came into my room, he didn't want to see evidence of any 'idiotic behaviours'. Not that I have ever openly displayed my drinking and cutting... he found out about the alcohol because he looked inside my wardrobe! - but I have taken what he said to mean that he might search through my things, so I have hidden the things he might find objectionable, but I have also taken what he said to mean that he is just going to ignore what I've been doing and class it as stupid, because that is what he thinks I am. I'm 21 now and I'm beginning to feel more like a visitor here in my own home. In fact I am not sure he even *wants* me here anymore. I'm confused and lonely and I don't have anybody to talk to IRL, and the pressure just builds up and I feel even sadder.

Silver