Loss is hard. Loss of your child and all those dreams connected to a new baby, is hard, hard, hard. It was very wise of you to start taking your medicines again. Feelin bad/guilt is also part of the "deal". I am sending lots of positive thought waves and prayers to start making you stronger, day by day. Try to do whatever level of acitivity you are capable of doing. Let the sun shine through your windows. Put something red/orange in your room, like an ornage low light. I have an orange glow lamp...it warms my heart when it feels cold. Hang tough!