Sometimes when I am trying to make myself cry the tears won't come. Then other times when I am not trying to make myself cry it just happens.

When I asked my doctor about it he told me there are lots of people out there that can't cry on a drop of a hat. and if I forced myself to cry when my body wasnt ready it ready doesn't do no good because even though the person is crying its not a natural release type cry and then the person might feel worse because then they feel all kinds of negative stuff about themselves for making themselves cry.

He also told me that sometimes on antidepressants like I was at the time, a person may feel like they want to cry but the body can't because of the medication keeping the seretonin in the brain at one even level.

He told me the best thing to do when I feel like I want to cry but can't find other outlets like my drawing, writing, biking and so on.

He said a person doesn't HAVE to cry in order to release the reason behind why they feel like crying.

So I have found other releases squeezing a exercise ball, molding playdough and clay, writing, throwing stuffed animal beanies into a box across the room, drawing, biking as fast and as hard as I can down the bike path, baking... the list goes on.

Now that I no longer need the medication I can cry, not on cue but like a normal person when things hurt kind of thing.