Still don't have paxil. Am spiralling and crying. Feels so useless. Am alone... have to sit with this for another 9 days.

P.S. I have a script now and everything... just ... urrr..... so depressed. I don't want anyone to see me like this.... even the pharmacy assistant. I'm so ashamed to go and pick the meds up. It makes me so mad to even have this problem. It is too much. Ugh ugh ugh.

AND... and and and.... I just know that when I go in and talk about this T is going to think it is a manipulative thing... like I'm being sad for attention???? Like the "self-destructive things" (won't say what it is here) and substance abuse is just to get a response. I hate being in this position. Alone or with support, I can't tell ANYONE what is going on. I hate that I can't trust anyone or see the forest for the trees. Bad last year, bad.