Quote:
Originally Posted by woodruff473
I was both, abused and the abuser as a child. I have never spoken to anyone about it before. I have an appointment with a T in about a week. I'm so screwed up in my head. I don't know where the world begins and I end. That doesn't even make sense. There are HUGE gaps of my childhood that I have no memory of. Of the memories I do have from my childhood they're colored with severe confusion, and vividly traumatic events. I do not remember my mother/father ever being around. Where were they???? Why do I just block them out?
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This must be so hard to face. I commend you on your courage to write it here. Try to be fair on yourself: you were a victim and you were a child vicitmizer...the most important word in that phrase is
child. Now you are an adult and facing the excrutiating journey of honesty and healing, but the good news is because you are no longer a child you can now be in control of your behavior and of your interaction with others. Loving yourself may seem an impossibility right now, so try to love the child you once were and who deserved so much more than you received. I wish you hope and healing on your journey.