Hi, I just read your post and was surprised to see a couple of things that I can relate to that I've never seen anyone mention before. The first was having an older brother who was a genius and how it affected your life. My brother had his IQ tested once and it came out at 190. He was taking college courses before he reached highschool. He graduated from MIT with honors. He got his PHD in theoretical math. He also has excelled at everything he has ever done(#1 pitcher in little league etc...). I had the fun of following him through school. Every year the teachers would do rollcall and when they would get to me they would ask if I was as smart as my brother. I felt like I had to live up to an impossable standard. I also became a perfectionist. In highschool I got mostly A's and for the first two years of college I had a 3.8. Then in my third year at college I was hit by this terrible illness. All I could do was lay in bed and cry. I had always felt that failure was not an option. I had to excell. Even with this illness I kept trying but it got to the point where I couldn't even read. I was trapped. Failure was not an option but excelling was impossible. Then one night I thought of what,at the time,seemed like the perfect solution. All I had to do was kill myself. All the pressure would be gone. All the pain woud be gone. I left school at the end of the semester(so my parents wouldn't know I had failed)with the intention of killing myself. Luckly for me I had very loving,supportive parents who new something was wrong and didn't pressure me. Over time I realized I didn't need to die I just needed help. That's where my journey through this illness started and I'm still here 25 years later. I think I might have gotten off topic so forgive me if I've been rambling. I didn't mean to write for so long but it just came out. I know I said there were two things I could relate to but I'm out of time and have to go. Just writing this has helped me and I hope it has helped you in some way. If you want to hear the other thing I related to or more of the same topic just write me and I will be happy to keep rambling. Mike