I know how important it is to put our feelings into words & get them expressed either through writing or talking.

I think funerals take on so many different ways of expression. The guy I went to college with died the spring before my Mother. It was very much a celebration of his life & what he had meant to everyone. Sadly, I knew some of the mental abuse his wife had gone through with him, but it didn't lessen the fact that he had done good things in other ways. It was hard knowing the conflicting emotions that were going on there.....but it was a very respectful funeral.

My mother's funeral I had only at the grave side & only for very close family & special close friends. Her church sadly was NOT invited because some were involved in the trauma that occurred & I couldn't have them anywhere near me.....so her church held a memorial service for her the week before the funeral while I was still in the hospital but I wouldn't have gone anyway. The funeral in my mother's case was almost 2 weeks later because of rain & winter weather even in California at the end of January & I couldn't physically be there until then so they were willing to wait. Seems like every funeral has something that makes it anything but normal however, I do think that all our Christian funerals are a celebration of the person's life & definitely of the eternal life after death.

Think your husband's way of dealing with grief might be that of getting away & cooking.....his way of calming himself down. Interesting because all the funerals I have gone to, everyone brings so much food that there is no need to cook anything....there is always enough food to feed the family for almost a month after the funeral. Glad you husband was able to express his grief in a very productive way.

I know what you mean about not being able to live with the husband but it doesn't mean that they don't have nice points mixed in with the things we can no longer tolerate. One just has to weigh between those things in the decision to stay or remove yourself from the marriage (whether physically or mentally). The sad thing is that from the outside, they look good because outside people just see those nice things since we usually hide the bad things from outside people knowing, then they wonder why in the world we could possibly not be with them.

Life is never easy or simple...we just learn to live with it as best as we can.