I have just sat with my dog Millie, while she died. She was 14 years old and we used to be the best of friends. For the last few years, I have been unable to feel anything for her - during that time I have tried so hard to stroke her and feel that warmth in my heart, but it just never came back and now it is too late.

I feel glad that I was at least able to be with her and stroke her while she died. I am feeling so sad that she has died, but mostly for the time I have lost with her over the last few years - I hope she forgives me.

I am also trying to be with how I am feeling now - crying - wanting to escape these feelings, but trying to accept them and not going off to get rid of them by doing other things. And I guess by posting this, at least I am trying to talk about how I feel and not dismiss it or bottle it up - it is so hard though.