Rainbow, I found it very helpful to have the same therapist for couples work as for individual. In fact, it was invaluable! If a T has the training for that, which my T did, they can deal with the shift, and it can work well. My T is Family Systems and this is what they are trained for. I later saw a different Family Systems therapist with my daughter for therapy and we were each offered individual sessions as well. Family Systems Ts are trained to work with all members of the family in all combinations. (My H and I and our kids all went together to therapy a couple of times too. And my T has offered to see my mother and me in joint sessions.) If your T is trained for this, the problem will not be with her, but with whether you can handle it (see below). Some Ts do not have this training and in fact, their training has encouraged them to refer out in this situation (like stormy mentioned). I think you should check with your T on her training to see if this is within her scope of practice and abilities (and preferences).

When my H (now XH) and I were doing couples work, I had one couples session a week and one individual. We were in crisis with the marriage and we needed to go weekly for a while. I know 2 sessions a week is expensive, but this was just for a short period. If your marriage is not in crisis, I would suggest you alternate weeks--one week individual therapy, the next week couples. It might be helpful to start the couples therapy off with a few weeks in a row. Like go for 3 weeks straight, then go to every other week.

Since we were doing couples therapy, and my T was treating our family (in addition to my H, my children came a couple of times too), he also offered individual sessions to my H. My H did not take advantage of this, but the offer was open.

My T told me that this is the main reason some people cannot do couples therapy. They can't handle "sharing" the T in session. The T can help some with this, like making sure to connect with both of you individually in the session, and giving each of you a look or a smile "just for you" during the joint session. I think it is important to talk about this with your T before beginning the couples sessions. She can offer reassurance that she will still be there for you even though there is another person present. I didn't have that problem doing couples with my H. I didn't feel jealous. But yet T still told me before we started that he is there for both of us, he is not ignoring me when he is talking to my H, that he is just a few feet away, and that I should know that as soon as he talks to my H, he will be talking to me, or to us both. So I should know he is there for me even if he isn't talking individually to me. He gave me this reassurance even though this wasn't a problem for me, so I think he must give it to everyone going into this situation. He is a family therapist so he really wants the family therapy to work!

Because the material in couples therapy was so intense, I did zone out sometimes. T said I was dissociating, but I don't know. He told me that if he noticed that, he would try to provide a stronger presence to me at those moments to keep me there. I am not sure what he meant, but he seemed to know what was happening and what I needed and like he knew how to handle all this stuff.

I would say definitely talk about all of this with your T before you start the couples sessions.

For the people who just cannot do couples therapy with their individual therapist due to not wanting to share their special T with another, he refers out to family therapists he knows are good and would be a good fit. Rainbow, the fact that you want to do couples with your T and H seems to indicate you would do OK with this. Some people have an immediate response, "no, I would never do that!!!" but you don't seem to have that, which bodes well.

I hope your T can establish standards so that doesn't happen. If she can reassure you that you will get a chance to talk and be heard, then there is no need to interrupt, right? Interrupting is a way of shutting the other person down. You can't really listen to the other person if you are interrupting him. So hopefully, your T will be strong and let each of you speak and not let either of you interrupt. It could be this same interrupting behavior is happening at home and causing problems.

Yes, this was very interesting to see! I got to see my T in action with another person. I got to see him trying to establish a therapeutic relationship with another person. His "technique" was so much more apparent to me than when it happened with him and me. It was interesting just to sit back and watch that. (Maybe that is one thing you can do when T and your H are talking, to help you not be interrupting.)

Rainbow, I think a really good thing could come out of doing couples with your T (beyond helping the marriage), and that is that your H will get to know your T, will like her, and come to respect her. I think this will help him not look down so much on your therapy activities. You have said before that he sometimes hassles you about therapy or tells you it is not doing you any good, etc. So if he has a good relationship with your T, and understands better that she is trying to help, then this problem of your T not supporting your therapy may go away. My H came to respect my T tremendously. He thought he was a great guy and found our couples sessions helpful. (I didn't have the problem with my H not liking my therapy, but is was good nonetheless that my H got to know my T and liked/respected him.)

Good luck with this!