Dear T,
You already know that I struggled with sexual orientation even though I am a married middle-aged woman with grown children. I know you want to eventually visit this issue with me and so do I but I am totally ashamed about discussing it. Luckily, there are enough other issues for now to take up our time. You have gently tried to steer the conversation a couple of times to this issue but I am very good at not 'hearing' you and switching topic. I think I will die when we finally get there and I want to but I also don't want to. I don't think I can handle the shameful feelings.
Also, I want you to know (but I don't want you to know) that I also ******** as a stress release and escape. Luckily, for now, I do not fantasize about you but I am ashamed to be indulging in these activities nonetheless. My H and I have not had relations in years nor do I want to.
I suspect we may never address these issues because of my own cowardice. If I can ever be totally honest with you, it will be a miracle. I do share everything else as honestly as I can, but not this.