I find it really hard to post about my problems and depression so this may end up as another half-hearted attempt. It's hard to give up though so I'll see where this goes. It's probably written for me to express myself rather than for a desire for response or dialogue. So...
I feel either the loss of ability to love or detached from love/compassion. I even question love. I'm not sure I believe in altruism anymore at all. I've come to believe that anything I do that seems compassionate, loving, or altruistic really comes from having a motive rather than being done out of love, compassion, or altruism. The motive, for those that don't understand, is getting something in return. Or in some situations the motive could simply be to prevent guilt. This applies not only to human interaction but in my interaction with animals as well. In the end result it's the same thing.
I want to be clear that this is just something that happens in the normal course of my life. I don't seek out situations to enact this false love, so I don't feel manipulative.
I don't know if this relates but I have a similar thing going on that doesn't involve people or animals. I used to "love" books and music. I haven't read a book in years. Music has become ear candy. It just doesn't touch me or move me anymore.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. I don't think I want sympathy, help, or understanding. Actually I'm quite sure I don't want sympathy.