Open Eyes – it’s so TRUE – I’m FIFTY years old and I’m just beginning to trust the facts that you outlined: low self-esteem = poor interaction = anger escalating = BOOM – the NICE person gets slammed because he/she happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I KNOW this is true, intellectually, and I think I am making progress, and perhaps am becoming fully able to function thru it all (I can’t even TELL – it’s been such a murky subject for me all of my life!) But don’t you wish there was some METER SYSTEM or SOMETHING built in to people’s foreheads? It could be really simple – like a tiny little light – it could even be decorative! Like a bindi! And it would be green when the person is happy and thus SAFE, and it should turn RED when the FREAKING ***** is about to TAKE ALL HER RAGE OUT ON YOUUUUUU! Anyway, I think it’s SUCH a core and universally important issue, because I see so many bright people on this website who are really freaked because they’ve become isolated, and with this sort of phenomenon floating around ALL thru EVERY corner of the world, who WOULDN’T want to isolate themselves? ESPECAILLY if you’re not armed with the simple pieces of knowledge you guys are imparting – and I’m NOT poo-pooing your knowledge in any way!!!! Those sentences are a LIFELINE for me – but the SOLUTION to dealing with thoughts that can complicate your ENTIRE life is really very simple, and can be boiled down to a few sentences. Isn’t that just amazing?



And I’m so sorry that you’re stuck with a case of PTSD right now. Your sentence: “All the bad experiences … in my past are all clumped together”, it’s the very nature of PTSD, huh? And when you said: “What I thought I had fought thru and overcome was only building up in some unconscious way” - that’s why it’s so difficult – it’s SO tangled and overwhelming and discouraging – when you work SO hard to face and resolve issues and you find it feels like a big cosmic joke – that maybe you were fooling yourself that you’ve healed at all. I’m not minimizing how heavy all that feels – because I’ve been there – truly – but I feel CERTAIN that you’ve made progress – it’s just that you’re out of touch with it right now – and no wonder – if something really terrible has happened to put you in that place. We feel so unprotected and just freaked about the world. I am a very strong proponent (although I have no idea if I’m really right – I just know it’s worked for me) of staying inside and licking one’s wounds for however long it takes. And that a bad experience is just creating the ILLUSION that you haven’t made progress. I got a book on PTSD recently – the only one I’ve ever seen that’s seemed thorough and – I don’t know – “searching” enough to be – oh, “ammunition-enough” to really give PTSD a good go. And frankly it’s just too upsetting for me to even sit down with yet – and I’ve had it for about three months! I’m just sweeping it all under the carpet for the time being – ha ha. But it’s called Healing from Trauma, by Jasmin Lee Cori, MS, LPC. And it’s all SO unpredictable and beyond my control, but ironically, sweeping it under the carpet for a while has been very effective – I’ve bolstered other areas of my life (out of necessity – so those issues sort of pushed themselves to the forefront WITHOUT my CONSENT!), but all those activities (my new little job) give me the confidence – it’s like a – I don’t know – like a crust of confidence – but when you think about it, crusts are very important – they help things literally to survive! The book is tough to read – because the author’s been thru a lot, and I really am not sure if I trust her with the process, but it’s certainly the best book I’ve seen so far on the subject.

And your closing remarks re: mean people were so healing for me. It IS a waste of time – and it IS a process – and I just can’t tell you how great it feels that you’ve acknowledged all that for me!

And billi leli, you should know that silver bells comes from the nursery rhyme, not the Xmas carol (which makes me generally an uncooperative person!! HA HA HA!!) And I DO fall into being right for other people – it’s – WOW – talk about PTSD – if I looked back at my life and really saw how much time I’ve wasted trying to be right for other people – I’d just pass out – just like that – I’m sure of it. And I really do try to avoid meanness, and then I base my self esteem on whether I’m avoiding in effectively or not – isn’t that just NUTS? Can you SEE how important this conversation is to me? I’m telling you – it’s a lifeline. And being kind to ourselves and others REALLY DOES work. I KNOW this – it’s just that people catch me off guard sometimes. But it’s always about them. You know – sometimes they come in SUCH convincing packages – I can see if some unkempt person gave me a jab or something, but appearnces have NOTHING to do with it. And if that person appears to be successful and has worked his or her way into authority somehow – my mind just SHUTS off and I assume they’re right and I’m a worthless speck. You’re helping me to pick all this apart so I can navigate it. I just need to keep working on this. Thank you SO SO much!