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iamspecial · Jul 08, 2011, 05:41 PM

WOW i can't believe this, its been about a few months since i have posted in here and now i'm heart broken and disappointed to say i'm back to that place where my way of copying is to SI.

I have done my very best to keep the deal that i made and i broke it once but felt so bad for doing it and she forgave me and said don't do it again.....well she has no idea just how much i'm hurting right now and the thing that comes to my mind is SIing to let me see red, feel it run down my arm, has its coming out my arm near my vains but thats just the bad thoughts that really want me to do it

Which do you listen to? Your Head or Your Heart? I'm battling with myself......if i listen to my head then it would be telling me go grab the sharpest blade and start to cut, no one loves you or even cares, you won't be missed, they will be glad to see you go and have a party and be so very happy with you not being around anymore and making them feel miserable. you are worthless and wasting peoples time......

I'm battling with others too......BUT if i listen to my heart then it would be telling me NO!!!! there are people here that love you and would be very hurt by it and don't want you to do this, they love you, they need you, you help them a lot, this would pain them like this pains you, keep them in mind and hold on to them has tight has you can till it passes.......

So which one do i listen too?? My head wants to win and is really for a fight but my heart is so hurt and broken and damaged its not feeling up for the fight and doesn't want to......

There is a person that comes to mind when i want to give in and well she asked me to hold on...keep hold of her....shes here for me.....i just don't know how much more i can take......