This guilt is truly killing me. I can't take that feeling in my gut much longer......it's always there, it haunts me.

I think I need to say it, but it's so awful, so bad.....everybody will hate me....I've never told anybody because it was so awful.

It happens 6 years ago, and still to this day it haunts me.....it consumes me. It's like a disease.

That's the one major guilt's, but there are many more. For one I was such a bad awful person, I used people, stole from them, hurt them, emotionally and physically abused them, I was so cruel, cold, and dead. That was in my using days, I am sober now......but all those regret are still there.

I constantly feel as though I am not good enough. I don't feel as though I am a good mother. I love them soooo much, but I get angry at them. I get really mad, and I get mean. I'm like my mother.......I hate that part of me.

School, I can never do good enough in school, I always feel ashamed of myself, ashamed of my stupidity.

My husband says, "Des your your only obstacle", and he's right, he's so right. I never thought of it that way. I'm at war with myself. Why?

I'm just so low right now, and of course haven't eaten in a few days. It makes the guilt pangs even worse. Even if when there is food, I won't eat, I'm losing weight.

I just feel so low, and so lonely. Nothing is changing, it's all staying the same.

Desirae