I wrote the following in reply to a PM. I'd like to share my response more generally and get feedback. Thank you.

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Those of us who are bi-polar appear to have special difficulty not attending to those negative tapes that play out inside the head. I expect even relatively normal people "hear" that talk from time to time. The difference is the degree to which those tapes reach (deep) into our emotions and feed the depressive side of our challenge. That removes us from focus on "now," where we more freedom to make changes, to do good and positive and even joyous things for ourselves and others. So, like you, I have a commitment to look forward and also to be present and focussed in this instant.

I am not sure what prompted me to take that journey so deeply into the past in my introductory past, since reliving such experiences especially in detail is outside the scope of what I want to do at this time. Actually I never have discussed the manic shopping/spending with anyone, in therapy or in friendship.

Since I am no biochemist or psychiatrist, I have no way to understand what might be going on at the molecular levels of our particular situation. I am not even convinced that even the biochemical imbalances are the root "cause." So far as I know, human beings are not like machines whereby, if you discover how best to tinker with their individual electro-biochemical systems, they will become "healthy" beings and work in harmony with their environment.

So - I have been thinking it might be helpful to consider why manic shopping, specifically, was so all-engrossing, why it made me feel better. I don't know if I can come up with the answers, but I find making a life pattern into an object of study does a couple of things: gives some intellectual/emotional distance to it and, as part of that, turns a period of intense pain into a study that might help me/others to understand and to cope better when next manic shopping arises.

What is it about manic shopping that is so engrossing, so seductive? If we cannot halt the mania through therapy (and I was in therapy at the time), can we determine what need the shopping fills in our lives and channel our energy into some less destructive form of expression?

When I think about those days, several things occur to me. One was the intensity of my focus inside stores. It was almost like being in another dimension, another reality. Something(s) specific in the general environment gave me a place where I could transcend the terrible pain of depression. It made me "high." So I am wondering why that was and what that was.

Some thoughts.
Remember what I said about about negative tapes playing inside the head, feeding the psychic pain of depression? In shopping, one needs to focus on the IMMEDIATE; and so it shortcuts those internal voices of gloom and disaster. The focus that reappears is different.

What we hear and see instead is images of change; something new (a new item of clothes specifically) can happen in life. Change can occur. (We can change clothes.) Life can be bright, beautiful, and new. Aside from that, we have powerful cultural images and messages to back up the idea of shopping/clothing as euphoria, as positive change. Our culture pays ungodly amounts of $ to beautiful women who wear different outfits well; we call them "models." And not coincidentally perhaps, at that time I did a bit of modeling myself.

But quite beyond the...well, sociological considerations of manic shopping, I believe I can perceive something else at work. It concerned colours; as though something among the many different colours, shapes, even textures, were having some positive effect on our psyches, on our moods. I have read some about the influence of colour on mood; there is a definite, scientifically identifiable connection between colour and behavior...and mood. Specifically, there was some research done into a specific colour which has been used in prisons to help pacify prisoners who are upset. It has a remarkable and almost immediate effect on behavior.

Therefore, I have been able to identify two general ways in which shopping mania might be "helpful" in our attempts to handle depression, which, at least for bipolar II, is the keynote of our lives and the thing we are trying so hard to correct, to balance. Those two means of balance are: turning off the negative mind-talks/entering into a socially acceptable, inclusive "fantasy" of beauty and perfection; looking at colours for the effects of mood elevation they can cause.

I think there is a third identifiable benefit to shopping mania and, again, like the first I mentioned, it has to do with social intercourse and interconnection. In depression, it is sometimes very difficult to get the motivation/hope/courage to interact with other people. With shopping, in short, when you hand other people money they will want to see you again. They will smile. They may even tell you how lovely you look dressed in their goods and gear. So the people inside the shops become ersatz "friends." You can go through the niceties of social intercourse, have contact with others, knowing you will always be welcome, complimented, but...won't ever be called on to reveal the pain of your life or enter into a deeper relationship, whether love or friendship, that is so terribly risky to our emotions, those of us with severe depression.