Please, please bear with me … and feel free to quit reading whenever you feel it necessary. I’m not writing for anyone’s entertainment or enjoyment, but for my own release. I often wonder why it is that I embrace this emptiness, why I push away relationships – romantic, friendship, family – hell, even coworkers. Is it that I actively retreat or is that those in my life become so frustrated with my empty promises, flat affect, sarcasm and emotional distance that they just want to be done with me and my issues? If that is so, believe me, I completely understand – I wouldn’t want to be near me, in a friendship with, a romantic relationship with or blood relative of myself. Those who think it’s possible are doomed for disappointment. Do I still long for intimacy, the closeness that allows comforting humility and that someone who can look at me and “just know.” Absolutely!! True intimacy is the one thing that I crave from deep within my soul yet is also the one thing can’t seem to accomplish or grab a hold of. I lack the ability in that area and it is almost unbearable to me. I don’t expect any responses from anyone, though if you have even a glimpse into what I feel right now, I ask you to please respond.