Is this the right place to post this?

So I had a suicide attempt a few months ago. I don't really want to go into why, because I honestly can't put it into words. It was, at it's most basic level, an inability to cope with whatever was going on in my head and a couple outside stressors mostly relating to my transition from male to female. Long story short, I'm still here, and it's been a couple months since my hospitalization.

Things haven't been so great since then, but if that's the case I suppose things have never been that great. The biggest change is I now fear all the time that my friends are worried I'm going to try again. I have been lying to them about how I feel in increasing amounts, and it's made my bad emotions bleed out of me like inky sweat. I feel like I'm going to burst at times, so I finally broke down and told a friend that I wanted to talk about my suicide attempt, and to talk about my lingering suicidal thoughts and complicated emotions. Mostly, I worry that I'm going to drive people away, for without them I'd fall into itty bitty pieces, which is pathetic, but I can't really help it. I am very suspicious and paranoid when it comes to my relationships. I don't want people to leave or worry about me, so I lie, and it's made me more and more depressed.

So I want to talk about it here.

I'm still thinking about suicide a lot. Every time I walk in the street I close my eyes and hope a car hits me. Every time I look out my balcony, or even at the door that leads to the balcony, or out a high window, I think about jumping. I think a lot about what it'd be like to have all my stupid thoughts and mixed up crazy emotions to just be totally silenced. It feels like there's a swarm of bugs running around in my brain and picking at it. It feels like I'm drowning in a series of laws that I've placed on myself to restrict my behavior. I'm trying emotional regulation a' la DBT, but sometimes I worry that I take **** too far. I have a police officer in my head constantly regulating what I should say, think and what kind of vibe i give off when I talk to people so they don't notice the sweat. It's truly exhausting. I just want to know who are my friends, if there's anything AT ALL I can do to improve myself to keep them around, and if I'm really a terrible person at my core. It's all so confusing, so I'm going to take a pill that's going to calm me down, and then I'm getting some sleep.

Just thought someone should know.